Thoughts on common sayings

"S/He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag."
Well, if s/he was indeed small enouhg to fit into the paper bag, it might prove difficult to fight her/his way out.

"S/He got up on the wrong side of the bed!"
What if your bed is in the corner? Do you then have a "wrong" side?

"Got my mojo working!"
I have looked every where I can think of and can not find a mojo mechanic. I find deisel mechanics, small engine mechanics, but alas no mojo mechanics anywhere! So where does one get their mojo working?

"Kick the bucket!"
Just make sure it is not the one you are mixing plaster in. OUCH!

"Nothing is certain but death and taxes."
I am just not sure about this one!?

"Put on your thinking cap."
I am going to go out and buy one of these. Mine all advertise beer or college teams. Hmm, maybe there is a connection?

"Put your best foot forward."
This would have to be my left foot? I think. My right foot is little weird looking. But, it would depend on what shoes I am wearing.

"Pulls out all the stops."
Now do you not know that this is just a bad idea! I mean think about how dangerous that could be!

"Skin of your teeth."
If you have skin on your teeth seek immediate dental assistance... and buy a damn tooth brush already!

"Strike a deal."
Just between you and I they don't burn as well as matches.

"Well Heeled"
Again, depends on what shoes I am wearing.

"You can't take it with you.!"
Then you need a bigger trailer.

"Your name is mud."
Nice to meet you, mud! My name is Dav!

and finally...

"Zero Tolerance"
What happened to one tolerance?

Just all a little to random for me!?

Bullfrogs & Buffalo Toes!

I don't know where I am going with this? Do you? Good!

I was watching old movies the other day specifially "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" and got to thinking abou tmovie quotes. Again to be specific: Ogre: What if uhh... C-A-T, really spelled dog? And that lead me back to a conversation last week about another quote from one of the best baseball movies ever The Sandlot and one of the best quotes ever:

Ham Porter: Hey, Smalls, you wanna s'more?
Smalls: I haven't had anything.
Ham Porter: No, do you wanna s'more!
Smalls: I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?
Ham Porter: You're killing me Smalls!

Which made me think of other movie quotes...

Pretty Woman -
Vivian: In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.
and of course,
Old Lady at Opera: Did you like the opera, dear?
Vivian: It was so good, I almost peed my pants!
Edward Lewis: She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance.

Jumanji - Probably the best quote in the whole movie!?
Alan Parrish: I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine. Things you can't even see. There are things that hunt you in the night. Then something screams. Then you hear them eating, and you hope to God that you're not dessert. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is.
and
[after Alan jumps onto Carl's cruiser]
Alan Parrish: What year is it?
Carl: It was brand new.

I think we should all try to quote a movie a day in our lives. Wouldn't it make things a little more interesting? Tomorrow I think I will use "Get the Flock out of here!" from this quote...
Reverend Flavel: Blaspehmy! Shakespeare must go! So sayeth the Shepherd! The Flock Members: SO SAYETH THE FLOCK!
Reverend Flavel: And what sayeth you, Mr. Carter?
Carter: [very angry at this point] Get the Flock out of here! [the students all start cheering]
Reverend Flavel: This means war! HOLY WAR! Flock! FOLLOW!

and of course that is from
Porky's II: The Next DayWait for it...

Why?

That is a perplexing question.

Someone once asked me, "Why do you write?"

I thought about that for a minute or so and returned the question. "Why do you breathe?"

The answer to both questions was and is the same. "Because, I have to."

I don't write necessarily for the benefit of others. Much the same as you don’t necessarily breathe for the benefit of others. I write whatever it is that comes to me when I am writing. That is not to say I can not or will not do assignment writing it is just not the first type of writing I aspire to. I can write about the trees or I can write about the current state of political unrest in the world. But, again this is not what I aspire to. If you asked me what it is I prefer to write I would have to say I lean towards dark wit sprinkled with the all too obvious vein of humour. Not everyone will get my particular brand of humour and that is just fine by me. For you see, I do not make the sky blue. I just accept that it is blue today and tomorrow barring clouds it will be blue, again. As in I do not make the doughnuts I just eat them because they are there. And, if they are covered with chocolate and filled with crème even better!

You see I could take sides with my writing but as in life… I prefer to stand in the middle and watch the volley. Occasionally, adding more than my two cents. I tend to find the good in everything while poking at the bad just enough to keep it close to the surface. Remember I am just like you except I choose to write. I want the same things as you.

So, what is that? Simple.

“Whirled peas, gloves and sappiness!”

It's my world! Isn't it?

Here I take time to sort out the things that make me tick. As they say. I am aware of my place and station, are you? Enjoy and if not that at least ponder a while the thoughts I place in your head! If I make one person laugh that is just not enough. If I make one person think or even see themselves in the things I write, well then...

I don't make fun of anyone, I make fun of everyone! I am an equal opportuinity prejudizer!

And the bottom drops out...

Suddenly, I am reminded that you often have to hit bottom to truly appreciate what you had...

Why are million dollar golden parachutes reserved for the corporate bigwigs? Do I even get a parachute? Hell, I will settle for one of those big inflatable stunt bags. I don't need to enjoy the view on my way down! Nor, do I need to find a place to land on top of someone else to crumble.

And, as far as bailouts go... I don't need anything near a billions dollars, or even a million dollars (although, that would be nice!?). I would settle for a quarter of a million... Assuming like the other industries that I will never pay it back!!!

And to think the guy last week only wanted a quarter to catch the bus home? He wasn't looking for car fare to get him back to his McMansion or to the private air strip to get on his private jet to fly home...

I want a dollar a donut and a coffee and I will call it good for today!