Thoughts on common sayings

"S/He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag."
Well, if s/he was indeed small enouhg to fit into the paper bag, it might prove difficult to fight her/his way out.

"S/He got up on the wrong side of the bed!"
What if your bed is in the corner? Do you then have a "wrong" side?

"Got my mojo working!"
I have looked every where I can think of and can not find a mojo mechanic. I find deisel mechanics, small engine mechanics, but alas no mojo mechanics anywhere! So where does one get their mojo working?

"Kick the bucket!"
Just make sure it is not the one you are mixing plaster in. OUCH!

"Nothing is certain but death and taxes."
I am just not sure about this one!?

"Put on your thinking cap."
I am going to go out and buy one of these. Mine all advertise beer or college teams. Hmm, maybe there is a connection?

"Put your best foot forward."
This would have to be my left foot? I think. My right foot is little weird looking. But, it would depend on what shoes I am wearing.

"Pulls out all the stops."
Now do you not know that this is just a bad idea! I mean think about how dangerous that could be!

"Skin of your teeth."
If you have skin on your teeth seek immediate dental assistance... and buy a damn tooth brush already!

"Strike a deal."
Just between you and I they don't burn as well as matches.

"Well Heeled"
Again, depends on what shoes I am wearing.

"You can't take it with you.!"
Then you need a bigger trailer.

"Your name is mud."
Nice to meet you, mud! My name is Dav!

and finally...

"Zero Tolerance"
What happened to one tolerance?

Just all a little to random for me!?

Bullfrogs & Buffalo Toes!

I don't know where I am going with this? Do you? Good!

I was watching old movies the other day specifially "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" and got to thinking abou tmovie quotes. Again to be specific: Ogre: What if uhh... C-A-T, really spelled dog? And that lead me back to a conversation last week about another quote from one of the best baseball movies ever The Sandlot and one of the best quotes ever:

Ham Porter: Hey, Smalls, you wanna s'more?
Smalls: I haven't had anything.
Ham Porter: No, do you wanna s'more!
Smalls: I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?
Ham Porter: You're killing me Smalls!

Which made me think of other movie quotes...

Pretty Woman -
Vivian: In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.
and of course,
Old Lady at Opera: Did you like the opera, dear?
Vivian: It was so good, I almost peed my pants!
Edward Lewis: She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance.

Jumanji - Probably the best quote in the whole movie!?
Alan Parrish: I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine. Things you can't even see. There are things that hunt you in the night. Then something screams. Then you hear them eating, and you hope to God that you're not dessert. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is.
and
[after Alan jumps onto Carl's cruiser]
Alan Parrish: What year is it?
Carl: It was brand new.

I think we should all try to quote a movie a day in our lives. Wouldn't it make things a little more interesting? Tomorrow I think I will use "Get the Flock out of here!" from this quote...
Reverend Flavel: Blaspehmy! Shakespeare must go! So sayeth the Shepherd! The Flock Members: SO SAYETH THE FLOCK!
Reverend Flavel: And what sayeth you, Mr. Carter?
Carter: [very angry at this point] Get the Flock out of here! [the students all start cheering]
Reverend Flavel: This means war! HOLY WAR! Flock! FOLLOW!

and of course that is from
Porky's II: The Next DayWait for it...

Why?

That is a perplexing question.

Someone once asked me, "Why do you write?"

I thought about that for a minute or so and returned the question. "Why do you breathe?"

The answer to both questions was and is the same. "Because, I have to."

I don't write necessarily for the benefit of others. Much the same as you don’t necessarily breathe for the benefit of others. I write whatever it is that comes to me when I am writing. That is not to say I can not or will not do assignment writing it is just not the first type of writing I aspire to. I can write about the trees or I can write about the current state of political unrest in the world. But, again this is not what I aspire to. If you asked me what it is I prefer to write I would have to say I lean towards dark wit sprinkled with the all too obvious vein of humour. Not everyone will get my particular brand of humour and that is just fine by me. For you see, I do not make the sky blue. I just accept that it is blue today and tomorrow barring clouds it will be blue, again. As in I do not make the doughnuts I just eat them because they are there. And, if they are covered with chocolate and filled with crème even better!

You see I could take sides with my writing but as in life… I prefer to stand in the middle and watch the volley. Occasionally, adding more than my two cents. I tend to find the good in everything while poking at the bad just enough to keep it close to the surface. Remember I am just like you except I choose to write. I want the same things as you.

So, what is that? Simple.

“Whirled peas, gloves and sappiness!”

It's my world! Isn't it?

Here I take time to sort out the things that make me tick. As they say. I am aware of my place and station, are you? Enjoy and if not that at least ponder a while the thoughts I place in your head! If I make one person laugh that is just not enough. If I make one person think or even see themselves in the things I write, well then...

I don't make fun of anyone, I make fun of everyone! I am an equal opportuinity prejudizer!

And the bottom drops out...

Suddenly, I am reminded that you often have to hit bottom to truly appreciate what you had...

Why are million dollar golden parachutes reserved for the corporate bigwigs? Do I even get a parachute? Hell, I will settle for one of those big inflatable stunt bags. I don't need to enjoy the view on my way down! Nor, do I need to find a place to land on top of someone else to crumble.

And, as far as bailouts go... I don't need anything near a billions dollars, or even a million dollars (although, that would be nice!?). I would settle for a quarter of a million... Assuming like the other industries that I will never pay it back!!!

And to think the guy last week only wanted a quarter to catch the bus home? He wasn't looking for car fare to get him back to his McMansion or to the private air strip to get on his private jet to fly home...

I want a dollar a donut and a coffee and I will call it good for today!

Kickball...

And... other slightly slanted views on life!

On your way to work today did you see that guy or girl? You know the one you always see in the same place at the same time everyday! Do you think about them sometimes? And when they are not there do you find yourself wondering if they are okay and thinking "I hope they are okay" or "Wonder if they are sick?" Now, have you ever though about turning around and following them? Not as a stalker, neccessarily. But, just to see where they go? Maybe, you could follow them home see wher ethey live, how they live. I think about this sometimes. And I thought you had problems!?

When you wake up tomorrow morning I want you to take a moment and think about something. Anything, really! I just want you to think. Trust me it won't hurt and if it does well, they have doctors for that. Seriously, take a minute and think about the last time you engaged in a serious game of tag! Or the last time you play red-rover or ring-around-the-rosey or kickball orhop-scotch or teatherball??? Why other than kickball (www.worldkickball.com) why do adults not take time to enjoy these games any more?

...I think tonight I will go home and play with myself!

Dribblings!?

Inspiration hit me like a Delta breeze, warm musty and a little too moist. I could write ‘til the cows come home or I could write about how the cows coming home or maybe, why the cows come home. But, who would read it? I could write about the real reason the sky is blue. Because… it just is. Or, I could write about the coming post-modern society. But, who cares? I could write about sports. Then again, I am not one of those guys who remembers dates and names and scores and records. I could write about fashion. Have you seen how I dress? I could write about population control. That wouldn’t offend anyone now would it? I could write about ice cream, who doesn’t like ice cream. Oh, wait I am semi-lactose intolerant myself? I could write to teach, I could write to learn, I could write to be funny… I am not a writer. I am not a teacher. I try to learn. Some say I am funny. Or I could just write. So, I find myself writing. I don’t know where my writing will take me but, I have a pretty good idea where it is going to take you.

Did I mention it wasn't really inspiration? Just a little gas. I should really have that checked.

Update and move!

I looked at my watch today and looked at my blog today. Mind you not in the same perspective and not even in the same setting. What I found that was that another year had gotten behind me. So, now I set about to take a moment or more maybe less to reflect upon what has transpired in that amount of time and start a new blog. Simple, a lot! But, at the same time not much?

I jumped on the scale and that hadn't changed much. Surprising after having come off the biggest holiday of glut known to man. My hair is still the same maybe a few gray strands? However, I will smile internally as I pronounce them only to be blonde and then pluck them away even before the words have escaped my breath.

Yes, in that year I have moved that much further from my beginnings as we all have. Yet, I have not come that far. I find the same things make me chuckle. Like stupid people, bad cartoons and balloon animals. There are the Three Stooges, Caddy Shack and Brady Bunch. Even, Disco music, Tie Dye Shirts and Chuck Taylor All-Stars.

All of this makes me who I am. You mix it all up and this is what you get. Kind of like when you took all the colours of Play Dough and mixed them together. Logic and your art teacher told you it should come out Black. You, on your own, discovered that instead it came out a weird purplish brown shade that was not revolting as it may sound but rather, pleasant. So, that is where the similarity between all my mixed "colours" and Play Dough diverge. When you mix my "colours" together you suddenly find that is is not always so pleasant and often can be revolting. If you don't believe me look up there towards the top read it again, it is just who I am.

The Public Library

Anytown, USA

It amazes me, the type and variety of people who seek refuge in The Public Library.
You can spot the regulars. The can be determined by the sheer girth of their personal spread of "necessities". Sometimes, they look at you funny. Maybe, you have taken their space? Or your own girth offends them?

Some look like they need a friend...

There was the guy today who needed bus fare. He said, "Do you have a quarter so we can catch the bus home? We really need fifty cents..." I reached into my pocket and produced all the change I carried... sum total of about seventy-three cents. He stood before me a man who obviously needed it more than I. And let me tell you, right now, I need it! This got me to wondering, why do people who need fifty cents ask for a quarter? Why not ask for a dollar and then hope for fifty cents???

Now I find myself wondering about the type of people who come to the library to read books they won? It is quiet here, sure, I will give them that. But, wouldn't one be more comfortable in their own environment? I know the chairs at home are far more comfortable than these! Then, gain, maybe like me, the distractions at home are too great! The trash that needs to be taken out, the laundry to fold, the children playing (albeit too loudly), the dog barking, the wife doing what she does, the phone ringing... Perhaps maybe, they come here to seek solace amongst the tomes. Possibly, they do not hear the words that are so near. Do not imagine the worlds they will reveal. The pictures for them do not complete the images???

Shakespeare and Blogs?

Do you think our friend Shakespeare would have found the whole process of blogging a bit mundane. Or do you think he might have in fact found it cathartic?

Which I think is the best term to use here as I have been told that I often suffer from diarrhea of the mouth!?

Of course until I decide what to blog on about I will just post trivial little thoughts here and there and pose questions when I deem it to be neccessary your answers are not neccessary.